im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
