WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
