Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
