i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
