There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
