Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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