Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
