I could make wine with my vomit
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
