The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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