apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
