what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
