He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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