16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
