Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
