yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
