Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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