i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
