haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
