Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
