stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
