He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
