Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
