I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to calm my uterus...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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