SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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