Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
