she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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