You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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