One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
