I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
