See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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