There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
