And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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