I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
