I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
