wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
