Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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