how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We left the knife in your bed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
