I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
