she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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