You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
