its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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