you turned your livingroom into a bong?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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