at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
