yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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