why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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