I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
