You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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