He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
