Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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