Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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