Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
